"Stop!"

This chorus keeps running through my skull.

so here's the video.
lyrics below

Against Me!

"Stop!"







Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
You've got to make a serious decision.
[x2]

It could be me up there in stage lights.
It could be me on the TV in you living room.
It could be me jet setting with my band all across the world.
Appearing live in concert one night only, tickets sold out.

Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
You've got to make a serious decision.

There I am giving candid disclosure to press in interview.
There I go on my way through the crowd up to the podium.
On behalf of our fans we'd like to accept this award.
Smile for the camera boys, gold record in hand.

Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
You've got to make a serious decision.

All of our lives in waiting.
All of our lives traded for their roses and applause.
All of our lives dedicated to shoving it right back in their fucking face.

Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
Stop! Take some time to think, figure out what's important to you.
You've got to make a serious decision.
I said you've got to make a serious decision.

Stop! Take some time to think.

An entry to reply to the comments in the previous post

this started out as a comment, but I decided to let it be a post instead.

Thank you all for your comments.

I have no intention of speaking to either of them again, at least never socially.

They do have some items of mine, that I would like to get back. They've had them for awhile, and we always spoke of returning them to me, but one thing lead to another, and I never got them back. I was supposed to get them back the last time I saw them, but well, you know how that turned out.

My plan will be to contact them, via email, because I have no interest what so ever to speak to either of them, and arrange for them to bring my things to the house when I am not home. My mother will probably be home, and well, I'll let her deal with them. I know she has a bunch of things she wants to say and is much better at controlling her emotions than I am. (hence why I chose to speak to her over messenger and not on the phone or in person)

Is this a low blow? Maybe. I'm sure it could he handled in a more mature manner, but right now, I feel I have control of the situation, and well, I want my things back, and I feel that someone needs to tell her the true details of the night, whether she listens or not.

Everyone who I have spoken to about these events agree with me, and with all of you, in that she has a very serious problem, and is in denial over it. I am past the point of even wanting to help her. Her life is her own, I have my own shit to deal with.

he didn't tell her.

sorry it's not so eloquent, I wish it were more so.

I spoke with psycho bitch on aim, last night.

here is an exerpt.

(psycho bitch is the new name for the one who gave me hell on new years)

first, I asked if she was around. After a few minutes, I assumed she wasn't, and closed the chat window. this is where the conversation starts:

[23:57] psychobitch: yeah
[23:58] Clairesey1: Just so you know, I don't hate you
[23:58] psychobitch: right on
[23:58] Clairesey1: However the trust that was there, is loooong gone.
[23:58] psychobitch: emofest go!
[23:58] Clairesey1: yea, I don't really want to go there, but if thats where this goes, then, oh well
[23:59] Clairesey1: What did Matt tell you happened, I'm curious. I only know my end, i'd like his perspective
[23:59] psychobitch: he told me the cops came and that i went crazy
[23:59] psychobitch: broke a tv or something
[00:00] Clairesey1: what else did he tell you?
[00:00] Clairesey1: or what else do you know?
[00:00] psychobitch: that you probably wouldnt be my friend anymore
[00:00] Clairesey1: did he tell you why?
[00:00] psychobitch: not really
[00:00] Clairesey1: Ah
[00:01] Clairesey1: so he left out that you pulled my hair so hard I was screaming for him to get you off of me, and that you BIT ME, TWICE?
[00:01] Clairesey1: you bit me so hard that the cops asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I didn't. I also waived my right to press charges.
[00:01] psychobitch: guess not, but he told me he puked all over himself in front of the cops lmao
[00:02] Clairesey1: oh, did he tell you that you pulled a knife on me? from the knife block?
[00:02] Clairesey1: thats when I freaked out and started screaming at the top of my lungs.
[00:02] psychobitch: so what is my response supposed to be here
[00:02] Clairesey1: this was after you plled my hair, and he got you off me, bit me twice, and threw your vacuum at the wall.
[00:02] Clairesey1: I don't know, I just wanted you to know
[00:03] Clairesey1: I'm no longer angry, I just wanted you to know
[00:03] psychobitch: sorry if its true, i dont remember anything and i highly doubt i would randomly get violent for no reason at all
[00:03] psychobitch: but hey man drunk people make no sense amirite
[00:03] Clairesey1: I still have one of the marks. I should have taken pictures, but I didnt.
[00:04] Clairesey1: anyways, I just wanted you to know I didn't hate you.
[00:04] psychobitch: awesome, didn't need that kind of shit festering
[00:04] Clairesey1: The person who attacked me wasn't you. You were long gone at that point.

The conversation went on, for a few minutes longer, but it mostly tapered off. In the end, I told her I was gonna go and to take care. She wished me the same. That was it.

There is so much left unsaid, that I don't plan to say.

How much you want to bet she was drinking?

yea.

To the six that it concerns;

Dear Westy, Xanadu, Tuesday, Aunty, Sammi and Mr. Scribs,

Your projects are in the works. I'll figure out what exactly I'm doing and how to get them to you at a later time and date.

Right now, I can tell you that the following items are involved one way or another in what I'm creating:

canvas board,
wooden plaques,
duel tipped markers in twelve colors,
wood stain,
wood engraver,


there are a couple projects in the works. some of you will receive one, while the others will receive another.

This is all stuff I had lying around un-used.


*cue the maniacal laughter*

just keep swimming.

As a Floridian, most people assume I grew up on the beach and/or in a pool.

True, I have always lived within a 15minute drive to a beach. I have always known someone with a pool.

Most people assume I'm a kick ass swimmer, because 1) I've lived by water my entire life, and I have a broad back.

I'm not really sure what the broad back has much to do with swimming, but it sure hasn't helped me much.

I didn't learn to swim until I was 8, a few months shy of being 9.

It wasn't from lack of trying. When I was four, my mom enrolled me in summer swimming lessons at the public pool at G.T. Bray Park a mere five minute car ride from the house.

I was in a class with other kids my age. The first class, we were expected to sit on one of the lower steps of the pool, with only our eyes and nose out of the water. We were learning how to breath under water. I panicked, and wound up having to be removed from the class. One of the instructors took me out of the pool, wrapped me in my towel, and took me to the concession stand for a lolly pop.

The second day, we were expected to let go of the edge of the pool, without swim rings on.

Again, I was removed from the class.

The third day, my mom joined me, and I was moved to the class level below the preschoolers.

It was a Mommy and Me styled class, in the kiddie pool, where we paddled along and played in the water. I loved that pool at four years of age, I was already taller than other kids my age, I towered over the other kids in the group. I think I was the only potty trained kid. I could stand in the middle of the pool and still have my upper body be completely out of the water.

By the end of the sessions, the mommy and me kids were all comfortable in the water and ready for the next level.

All of the kids in the class I had been booted from were all swimming well enough they were allowed to jump off the diving board into the deep end.

When I did learn to swim, four years later, it was by accident. I was in the deep end of a hotel pool. I had gotten there by walking along the edge of the pool, and i lost my grip on the edge and in a frantic paddle, I was able to stay afloat.

I had quit wearing swim rings by that point, because they were a pain to keep on, so I always just hung onto the edge if I couldn't tough the bottom.

Now, at the age of 25, I can dog paddle, tread water, and float.

I have never been able to dive to the bottom, and I have no plans on ever needing to do so. I can keep myself afloat, and am fairly certain that in an emergency I could keep another person afloat also.

I have never been a fan of diving boards, or even jumping off the edge. I was always a "walk out and swim back" type of gal.


Now, I need to dive into depths unknown.

I feel

Stuck.
Confused.
Lost.
Dizzy.
Bemused.
Asphyxiated.

And, roughly, 18,000 other distinct feelings bordering on the negative.

Why?
Anything.
Everything.


You know, Life, the Universe, and Everything.

I hope I haven't burned my bridges, and if I did, then I pray that I can mend them.
Especially the ones I haven't even crossed yet.

You know, cause, sometimes I use a flame thrower.


No clue if that made any sense to anyone else, but the image of me throwing flames at a bridge off in the future was slightly amusing to myself.

I need to use a sick day.

From myself.

Unfortunately, I can't find the paperwork needed to file for that type of claim.

I think I can understand where they're coming from but... no, not really (stolen from my local paper. no real updates til I get a sixth person!)

Posted on Thu, Feb. 05, 2009

Family sues Albertsons over debilitating crash

By ROBERT NAPPER
rnapper@bradenton.com

BRADENTON — Monica Costello’s pain is still raw as she recalls the accident that left her son nearly brain dead and wheelchair-bound, most likely for the rest of his life.

Some days, it gets so tough she wonders if she did the right thing for her son by keeping him alive.

“I ask myself all the time if he would have wanted this,” she said. “It is terrible agony to wonder that and feel at the same time there is no way I think I could handle being the person to take my son out of this world.”

Ryan Costello, 22, has been in a wheelchair since the April 8, 2006, crash, in which the Florida Highway Patrol says his friend, Zane Zavadil, 19, drove off Anna Maria Bridge. FHP troopers ruled both Costello, then 19, and Zavadil, who died in the crash, had been drinking alcohol before the accident.

Now an Orlando attorney hopes to prove the Albertsons grocery store chain is responsible for the crash that brought widespread publicity and sadness in Manatee almost three years ago.

Attorney Woody Igou filed a lawsuit Wednesday at the Manatee courthouse stating several witnesses have given sworn testimony that they were with Costello and Zavadil, who were underage, when they bought the alcohol they drank before the crash from the Albertsons store at 7415 Manatee Ave. W.

The lawsuit also alleges an ongoing pattern of sales of alcohol to minors at the store. Igou said during his investigation, several witnesses have also testified to buying alcohol from the store more than 200 times while underage.

Igou argued in his lawsuit that Albertsons engaged in “grossly negligent conduct that contributed to the injuries and losses to plaintiffs and others.”

The lawsuit was filed against Supervalu, Inc., a Minnesota-based company described in the suit as the owner of the Manatee Avenue store at the time of the crash. However, a Supervalu spokeswoman said the company did not own the Albertsons store at the time of the crash, which Igou refuted.

Officials with Supervalu and Albertsons, LLC, the listed owner of the Manatee Avenue Albertsons, did not return phone calls seeking responses to Igou’s claims.

Monica Costello said attorneys for Supervalu have been to her house and examined her son’s condition, as well as the medical equipment needed to keep him alive. But she has not heard from Supervalu or Albertsons since.

Igou said he has sought to settle with Albertsons officials, but he said his phone calls are not being returned.

Said Costello: “To me that is a slap in the face, that they won’t even acknowledge us.”

Igou said a medical expert he hired said the cost of medical care for Ryan Costello for the rest of his life will amount to an estimated $15 million to $20 million, which he is seeking in the lawsuit.

Costello said her son’s injuries have crushed her not only emotionally but financially.

“It has been beyond catastrophic for a single mother,” she said.

The lawsuit is not just about the money, she said. Costello often talks to DUI offender classes about the dangers of drinking and driving, and she says she just wants to see a store she believes is consistently selling alcohol to minors to stop.

“I am not saying my son is not responsible for his part of what happened to him. As you can see, he’s paying severely for what he did,” Costello said. “I just want Albertsons to be held responsible to operate under the letter of the law. One boy lost his life, another boy lost the life he knew. I just don’t want any other mothers to go through this.”

© 2009 Bradenton.com and wire service sources. All Rights Reserved. http://www.bradenton.com

if you go to the papers webpage, there are pictures of the kid and his mom. I went to HS with him, and Zane, but was a senior when they were freshman. I kinda knew Zane, we had an art class together and sat at the same table. He was the obnoxious freshman surrounded by seniors. I wasn't really a fan, but I was saddened when I heard of his death, just because well, I knew him, and he died and he was younger than me. Shit like that sucks.