Hate my life

actually, thats a song title.

muhahahaha.


(but yes, I do hate my life... hence WHY I'M CHANGING IT!)

this video struck me as funny, and its a rather upbeat song for everything it entails.

enjoy! (lyrics posted below video)




Theory of a Deadman
"Hate My Life"

So sick of the hobos always begging for change
I don't like how I gotta work and
They just sit around and get paid
I hate all of the people who can't drive their cars.
Bitch you better get outta the way
Before I start falling apart

I hate how my wife is always up my ass
She always wants to buy brand new things
But I don't have the cash.

I hate my job, all of my rich friends
I hate everyone to the bitter end.
Nothing turns out right There's no end in sight
I hate my life!

How come I never get laid nice guys always lose.
How could she have another headache
There's always some kind of excuse
I still hate my job, my boss is a dick
"I don't get paid nearly enough
To put up with all of your shit"

I hate my job, all of my rich friends
I hate everyone to the bitter end.
Nothing turns out right There's no end in sight
I hate my life!

I hate that I can't tell when a girl's underage,
You know, I tell her she's a nice piece of ass,
Then her daddy punches me in the face

So if you're pissed like me
Bitches, here's what you gotta do
Put your middle fingers up in the air
Go on and say "Fuck you!"

I hate my job, all of my rich friends
I hate everyone to the bitter end.
Nothing turns out right There's no end in sight
I hate my life!

So much at stake, can't catch a break
I hate my life
No, it's nothing new hear "it sucks to be you"
I fuckin hate my life

I feel like a tool, at least I didn't cancel my upcoming dental appointment.

the past few weeks, on and off, I've had pain in my mouth/jaw/ear area.

First, I was convinced I'd somehow fucked up my jaw napping on the couch. (don't ask, it doesnt make much sense no matter how I explain it)

Then, I figured it was the cavity that I neglected to get fixed ast year wehn I was dealing with my ROTTING wisdom teeth. (It wasn't bothering me, and like I said, I had ROTTING teeth to deal with)

THEN, when it started to bug me when I swallowed, and the pain got so bad I was driven to tears, and at its worse the ENTIRE SIDE OF MY HEAD hurt, I came to the conclusion that it was my ear.

A few days ago, when I was still convinced it was my teeth, I called and made a dental appointment.

Later that day, I was convinced it was my ear, so I thought about cancelling the dental apt, but figured eh, might as well get the cavity dealt with.

Today, the pain was so bad (amongst other things) that I called out of work. Thus forcing myself to go to the little clinic (thats what its called) and I figured I'd leave with a RX for a free antibiotic, cause well, I thought it was my ear.

Nope. WRONG. both of my ears are in tip top shape.

So are my teeth. The Psychian guy was jelous of my teeth, though he commented that it appeared that I had a grinding issue ('ve been told I do...) which prompted him to run another test that involved me moving my jaw in every direction imaginable...


and thus, the diagnoses of TMJ came about.

so, yea, it's a jaw thing thats causing the ENTIRE SIDE OF MY HEAD to hurt.

on the plus side, this will in no way effect flying cross country on a trip that the majority of people feel I am insane for taking.

this is not one of my better days

I just called out of work.

stating a baaaaaaad ear ache (true) and a low grade fever (lie)

I promised I would go to a clinic today (guess I'm gonna have to now) and that I'll try to be in tomorrow (who the fuck knows)


my dad and brother have taken to tag teaming me about why I SHOULDN'T leave.

they seem under the misconstrued misconception that once I leave I will never come back.

I am simply leaving on a one way ticket, with enough money put aside so I CAN get back, and yes, I plan on getting a job once I'm out there, and JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. They don't seem to understand that the more they try to stop me the more I feel I need to get the fuck out of this place, and ASAP.

mostly, I called out of work today because the more and more I thought about leaving the house, the bigger the weight felt, and the last two times I forced myself to work when I felt like this, I wound up crying AT work, and well, that's just plain sloppy. Especially since I seem to have the impeccable timing of crying when there are no other females at work. Only males, and well, they just don't understand. Hell, females don't understand half the time either, but we're better at dealing with it.

I don't know where this is going anymore.

Distance: 2,953 miles

Two Thousand, Nine Hundred and Fifty Three Miles.

That is the distance, according to Google Earth Maps, I will be travelling in less than a Month time.

Actually, the distance will be greater since I'm flying into an airport north of my actual destination.

Two Thousand, Nine Hundred and Fifty Three Miles is the distance from my current house and the house I will be staying at for the time being.

This is quite probably the most insane thing I have ever done.

It could easily be the most stupid.

I don't think it will be though.

A co-worker told me I would be okay if "you have a minimum of Five grand saved up. That way you can comfortably survive a month or two until you get a job"

Uhm... Do you know how long I could be comfortable if I had that kind of money saved up? I could get a new computer (this one, I fear is on its last legs) AND still "comfortably survive" a number of months.

Needless to say, I don't have anywhere near Five Grand saved.

I am more broke now than I have ever been, but I know that I will never have enough money saved to be comfortable with a move this big, and that if I don't do this now, I never will.

I am 25 years old, with my GED. I have little college education, and have spent the last three years in a job that has not given me permanent full time, and no advancement other than my annual review and 3% raise. I have never lived away from home.

I have taken baby steps my entire life.

They have gotten me no-where.

Its time I plug my nose, and jump. (Feet first. I'm not suicidal)

None of this seems real to me. Not yet anyway. I'm just going through the motions, nothing has sunk in.

I don't know when it will.

I still have a lot to do.

Well, everything really.

So far, I've bought my ticket and informed my job that I'm quitting, and leaving state. (yea, the transfer didn't go through, but like I said, I've been there long enough. It's time I move on)

I need to contact my bank that I'll be travelling indefinitely, and I should check with my cell phone company and see if I'm covered for that area in which I will be.

I haven't packed anything, other than started making a mental list.

I'm new at this. Cut me some slack, k?

My last day at work should be a Sunday. I leave that following Wednesday.

Oh, I should try to figure out if its worth it or not to spend $100 bucks on my passport. I will be close to Canada, after all. Plus, that would be a very handy thing to have in my position.

Seriously, I'm so broke I would not turn down any donations. A new pair of sneakers would be nice. You know, in case I have to walk all 2,953 miles home.

Don't laugh

My brother had that bumper sticker, on the back of his cherry red '72 Volkswagen Bus.

It was his first car. He showed up at my parents house with it one day when he was 21 and I was 14. He bought it from a friend, who in part of selling it had it painted from its old stereotypical hippie paint job of psychedelic colors and designs.

Needless to say, we got a LOT of looks whenever he would give me rides places.

That year, my parents went up to Atlanta on a long weekend, leaving me at the house partly alone. We had convinced A-boy to stay with me that night and the following night. He agreed to make sure I went to school, but he would in no way stay the weekend.

I was a responsible enough to be left alone, even at the age of fourteen.

I hated riding the school bus, so I was able to get my brother to pick me up from school. He would make sure I got to the bus stop on time, but he would not drive me to school.

I remember walking out of the school, that first afternoon, with all the other kids who had rides picking them up. Every other kid was getting a ride home from either their mother, or a friends mother. I was the only getting picked up by my brother.

In his cherry red '72 Volkswagen Bus, with a ball pit (made from McDonald's balls) in the back, and the above sticker smack on the back window.

He was a stereotypical hippie in appearance. My best friends dad called my brother "Shaggy" and called his bus the "mystery machine" which only annoyed A-boy. He would always haughtily point out that the mystery machine was a Ford.

A-boy was very happy when I appeared and told me to get in, and got s away from the school as fast as the bus would take us- which wasn't very fast. He was uncomfortable with all the open stares he was getting from all of the soccer moms. This was a couple of years before cell phones were in wide use, other wise, I'm pretty sure the cops would have been called, or the school alerted.

Like I said, he only stayed with me the schools nights. Come Friday afternoon, I was alone.

Well, alone from Adult supervision.

I had arranged, earlier in the week to have another good friend, who was the same age as me stay over until Sunday. Her parent's were aware that mine were out of state, but I believe we neglected to mention that my brother would NOT be staying the night.

Is it really that surprising that this was the first time I ever got stoned?

I think not.

copy, pasted, and posted.

written in may of 08. I don't recall if I posted it on JS or not.

A lot of it stands true for now...

except, I bought a plane ticket a few hours ago.

One way.

Maybe to where you think, maybe not.

Anyways, enjoy:

May 10, 2008, 11:15 PM

You.

You are the only one who tells me daily how rude I’m being.

Funny, everyone else seems to think it’s you.

But I’m the one stupid enough to actually tell you.

And that makes me a bitch.

You are the reason I need to get away.

You are the reason why I feel like I’m drowning.

Like a fish out of water, like the asthma commercial.

You are the reason why I feel like I’m going to cry about 12 times a day.

You are the reason for so many things right now.

Few of them good.

And that makes me ill.

I feel like you’re just a waste of space right now, in my life.

Getting in the way of everything, holding me back without doing a damn thing.

You are the one that brings me so low I have to inhale my way back up.

You are the that makes my thoughts race so fast I can’t hold a single thought.

You are not to be blamed for most of these things. I know this.

However, I find it mighty coincidental that after your current habits started, I’ve found myself falling back through the hole I spent years crawling out of.

It’s obvious to most who know me that I’m miserable here.

I don’t know if they realize how stuck I really am.

I feel like I’ve been stuck in a rut, and am just now realizing.

I’ve gotten to comfortable with myself and this life, that it makes my skin crawl.

Literally makes my skin crawl.

I spend too much of my time alone. Or with you.

I need to start… being an adult.

I feel embarrassed when I meet old acquaintance and I’m still at the same spot in my life, maybe even backtracked some, since the time we last met.
I don’t go up to anyone. I wait to be approached.

I’m more uncomfortable then I have ever been, and this sucks, because barely 2 years ago, I was briefly at my most comfortable.

I felt like life was on track and going as planned. No, but that was 3 years ago, even still, two years ago I felt okay. Great even.

I wasn’t alone then, like I am now.

I’m more alone than I have ever been.

Part of me likes living in myself like I have lately.

But I want to live outside, too.

I doubt myself more now than ever.

I want the happy medium, even if that means I turn into an eccentric.

Fuck, I’ve been an eccentric my entire existence.

One of the few things I like about my self. Albeit, secretly.

You are the reason that this is no longer about you.

The torch has passed itself onto me.

May 11, 2008, 12:14 AM

sorry for my ansence

I have been around. PROMISE! I have been lurking, and reading, and occasionally commenting.

I just haven't been updating. on here.

I have so much to say and not sure how to say a single word.

So until I figure it out, I'll probably be on the quiet side, posting entries filled of fluff.