Saturday, March 21, 2009

you know your from...

i found this on facebook about my town. I feel a bunch of it's stupid, and don;'t understand quite a bit, so I put in bold the bits I *do* get. I also added some notations in parenthesis.

You know you're from Bradenton when ...

... people ask you where you're from and you say Sarasota because no one knows where Bradenton is.

...when Applebees is the only thing open past 9:00pm.

... when the Southeast-Manatee game is the highlight of your school year. (I went to Manatee)

... when your school gets bomb-threats weekly. (it wasn't weekly, but it was a few times a year...)

... when there's only 2 roads in your town - one named after a Spanish conquistador and the other after a fat sea animal. (this is oddly true...)

... when you go to more parties out in fields then in a house. (I am not bolding this because I have yet to go to a field party. house parties I have been to plenty)

... when the highlight of the summer is a birthday party ... for a fat sea animal that will never die. (this is July 3rd, and the fat sea animal that won't die is a manatee named Snooty and he shares his birthday with my mother who is exactly one year younger than him, which is why I am neglecting to mention either of their ages)

... when you can find at least half your school at the beach on any given day. (i rarely went to the beach so I have no idea this is true)

... the entire town heads to the beach right before a hurricane hits. (this is true...)

... you go to Bradenton Beach because Siesta Key is just too far. (Siesta Key out past Sarasota, I never even went there until I was 21, and that was because Sarasota county beaches don't have the liquor laws that Manatee county beaches have. Bradenton Beach is referring to an area out on Anna Maria Island. Bradenton doesn't actually have a beach. We have an Island)

... your town is known for an NBA ref getting caught assisting the Mafia.

... you know what 14Th St. is. (it ain't pretty)

... your volleyball coach gets caught picking up prostitutes. (WHOAT?!)

... you know that you cross the bridge to get to the ghetto side. (?? I am assuming they mean Palmetto...?)

... Natty Ice is a part of your everyday life. (EWWWWW no)

... you've spent your Saturday nights Xtreme bowling!

... when Taco Bell is the ending of your night.

... when your school holds Homecoming in your cafeteria. (The one year I went it was in the gym, but I did go to a dance or two in the cafeteria)

... you go east under the highway, you leave civilization. (also known as Myakka)

... you were in middle school and spent your Friday nights at the Royal Palm. ♥ (The Royal Palm is a movie theatre that did not come into existence until I was at least a junior in HS. It is a 20 theatre place that is out in Lakewood Ranch.)

... you're proud of your illegal alien population. (I wouldn't say proud, but it is quite large. They don't bug me, I don't bug them.)

... it's not uncommon for the car next to you to have either a Confederate flag or fringe around the dash. (this is true)

... when your graduation is held at the Manatee Convention Center. (My sister's was. Mine was at the football field. At night. With Fireworks.)

... your eardrums get blown out at graduation from the proud auntie behind you with the foghorn. (errrm... I feel this is possible)

... you know you're better than Sarasota because you have a Super Target. (yea, but its out on University Parkway which is practically one of the boarders to Sarasota)

... you know exactly where Bradenton ends and Sarasota begins. (Its by airport that we share)

... you spent your elementary education at the landfill. (I only recall one field trip to the landfill, thank you! Mostly, we went to visit Snooty...)

... when schools look like prisons. (maybe its the prisons that look like schools?!)

... and it's not okay because your parents don't have money. (it used to be pretty well to do... used to be)

... when you spent prom night at the Ringling. (I didn't go to prom. by my own choice, thank you. However, I know that it was held at the gym, and my sisters were held at the civic center...)

... you've seen old man European ass in a thong at the beach. (there's also this guy that lives a few blocks over that does yard work in aslittleclothingaspossible... ew. and yea, he is old and fat)

... there's a Baptist church or nursing home at every corner. (I lost count at 15 churches within WALKING DISTANCE of this house... all denominations though)

... Desoto Square Mall is the classiest place you've ever been. (this mall is gonna disappear within the next few years. everything is closing)

... you know "The Island" is the only island. (well, not the ONLY one, but when someone mentions an island, that is what they mean)

... the coldest it gets is not too cold for flip-flops. (yea, if you want your toes to go numb... but yea, we wear sandals all year round)

... when the town population triples during Spring Break. (and doubles during 'season' which is... now. damn snow birds)

... you know the cops don't give a shit.

... half the town works for Tropicana and burnt orange peels wake you up in the morning. (seriously, growing up half the kids I knew had at least one parent who worked there. and no, we don't get cheap deals on the juice)

... it made front page news when a male model became an Abercrombie & Fitch model. ( i must have missed that issue of the bradenton Harold) laugh because people think that star athletes choose to live in Bradenton but you know it's just because of IMG. (I met one at work, and my brother helped pressure wash one's house...)


  1. Funny stuff! I enjoy the "local town" gags, even when I don't know the local town. When I lived in Seattle, the comedians used to tell jokes about some of the local burgs, too.

    Will the town simply vanish when Snooty is gone?

  2. These are fun(ny) to read. There is one about Minnesota that is too embarrassing to print, because each one of them is true, unfortunately. LOL! Hugs.

  3. Okay I have to ask (since I'm not from sunny Bradenton), who or what is Natty Ice, and why does he/she/it get an ewwwww?

  4. A lot of that could be about Texas, lol. Some are really bad! I think all states have their strange things. :)

  5. Natty Ice sounds like something black people would use for their hair.

    If you look up the ones for Massachusetts they are all true, sadly ... although I escaped without the accent.

    p.s. I didn't go to either of my proms either - waste of time and money!

  6. I'm going to start singing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt over and over and over and over again if you don't update... being "busy" doing what you've just done is no excuse! ;)

  7. If you swapped out some names, many of these would describe a lot of towns on the Jersey Shore as well. Our homecoming dance was always in the cafeteria, but the prom was in the ballroom at the Sheraton. Graduation was at the Garden State Arts Center.