Friday, I arrived at work, trying to stifle my sobs, with my hair frizzy from being air dried and completely un-brushed since it had hurt to much just to wash my hair.
I should have called out, but hadn't and it was made clear very quickly that they all agreed that I shouldn't be there, but we are so short staffed there was no way for me to leave. Thankfully it was only a five hour shift, and they put me to work and kept me busy.
I was feeling much better about things as the night went on, but I still felt like any little thing would cause me to burst into tears again.
After I got out of work at 10, I went to wal-mart to go pick up a few things. It was one of those trips that you know there are things you need, but your not entirely sure what so you just sort of wander aimlessly through the aisles. Mostly, I felt I needed a treat of some sort. I got a new accordion file folder for keeping all of my 2009 paper work in. (I get a new one every year, since 2003. I'm having a hard time finding a new color that I haven't already used. I was very happy to find a stripey pink and brown one. It's cute, and I won't get it confused with a past years file) I also got a copy of the book "Revolutionary Road" which I started reading the other night. So far it is very good. I got a few other odds and ends, some pipe cleaners (called "fuzzy stix") cause I was out, and they come in whoa handy when your a little garage hippy like myself. As I was leaving, I passed by the McDonalds that was about to close and got a whiff of their french fries. I hadn't had supper yet, and I hadn't had any of their fries in months, so I decided why not. I was their last order for the night, and they were probably inwardly cursing that I was able to watch their every move cause they probably wanted to spit in my fries and mcflurry (with m&ms) but since I could watch what they were doing, I got my food spit free.
I got home about 11:15 and munched on my fries and ate my mcflurry and more or less just bummed around. I wasn't able to fall asleep until after 4am, and thanks to my cat, Oscar, I was up again around 7:15.
My sister and her husband were leaving to head back to Texas around noon, so I spent some time with them while they finished packing their bags and whatnot.
Around 1pm I decided I needed a nap, and slept until almost 6pm.
Saturday, like I've said was very uneventful, until around 11:30 when I went out with my ex.
That was fairly uneventful on its own. We drove around and went to a cafe in South Sarasota called "Munchies 4:20" that is open from 4:20pm to 4:20am. Neither of us had the munchies though, so we shared a lemonade and talked. He doesn't smoke anymore and I just ate before we left so yea.
He's still... him. full of the same shit and exaggerated stories and lies. It's good to know that he's still around if I need someone to listen, that is, if I can get a word in. I wasn't feeling very talkative, which struck me as odd, because when we were together all we did was talk, constantly interrupting the other. we were always fighting to get another word in before the other took over the conversation
I never fully relaxed the entire time we were together, keeping my cellphone within reach the entire time. If he noticed, he didn't say anything about that. Mostly, he kept the music so loud in the car that it was hard to keep a conversation going. That was fine.
Sunday, I worked. I had another coworker tell me I seemed traumatized by the events of new years, and well, I honestly think I am. When I went to work yesterday I made certain to dress extra nice and that my hair was brushed and I had makeup on. I wanted to show them that I was at least capable of looking semi human. (sadly none of the others who saw me Friday were there on Sunday. dang)
I am off today and tomorrow. I think I want to get my hair cut/styled. I haven't had it styled in over a year. My mom cut it for me a few months ago, but we opted to keep it all one length. I think I want some style to it, and I want to dye it. I'll dye it myself, but leave the styling up to the professionals.
so, that's whats going on in my land.
Watching the slow decay, first written 2. Jan. 2009
4 months ago